Decadent Lifestyle

Doug Stanhope on the key to life

“The key to a good life: Excess in Moderation. They'll tell you that moderation is the key to life but that's bullshit. Excess in moderation. Don't drink a few beers everyday after work. Wait 'til the end of the month and drink all the beers at once. Get completely soused. Don't get a $20 crackwhore on a whim. Save up and then get the $1,500 Heidi Fleiss high class call girl on new years eve and wake up with a damn good story. Don't eat the stem of the mushroom and see a few colors. Eat the whole bag and see god. Just don't do it everyday. If you practice in moderation you'll never get the full effect. And don't ever learn from other peoples mistakes. That's the worst advice you could get. Cause other people might have fucked it up, and you could be the one guy who can do it right, and be a hero for all of us. And finally, fuck someone uglier than you. Every now and then. Even if they don't deserve it, because that makes people happy. It stays with you for a lifetime.”

- Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope on your sins

"Why would you die for someone’s sins? Your sins are the only interesting thing about you, you dreary, bleak motherfuckers. Your sins are what make you fantastic, what keeps us great and exciting and fun, its what makes you alive, you should wear your sins on your sleeve and try to top them on a daily basis. When you go to work in the morning, the first thing out of your mouth should be the dirtiest thing you did last night, ‘cause that’s what people want to hear."

- Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope – quality of life

The word addiction is used far too liberally in our society and I shy away from it. If I have any addiction, it would be nicotine. I would say alcohol is more of a compulsive habit for me. I have used different narcotics for roughly 20 years and I have always used them socially, sporadically and usually sparingly. I use cocaine occasionally and sometimes medicinally - before a third show Saturday, a bump of coke can make the difference between a strong performance and just phoning it in - and I've never developed any type of habit, never craved it the next day. I will use hallucinogens a few times a year as well, always in a safe environment. So far as an "early grave," I'm more concerned with quality of life. No sense in having a mint condition classic car if you're afraid to take it out of the garage. I look as sadly at people awash in hand-sanitizer and surgical masks in elevators as they might see me when I'm pouring booze down my head on stage.

- Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope on drugs and boredom

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!

- Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope


Doug Stanhope – Excess in Moderation


Doug Stanhope – No Refunds

Good morning. I bet you are all hung over, lying there in your bed with a headache and regretting that you slept with that girl/guy last night. I know I am. So I thought I cheer you up with some great crass comedy. This is Doug Stanhope, probably one of my favorite stand up comedians that are alive today. So take one hour and watch this, I know you haven't got anything better to do.